Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Like coming back home

Coming back here to lighten myself after a long time, probably two months now. I guess this is how I would feel when I next come to India. I miss home!

The first three weeks here were a dream - happiness and love all day, everyday and I was in Chicago then and soon after that, I shifted to where I should belong - Bloomington, Indiana.

It isn't anything like I had imagined. It is pretty but the small town lacks the vigour and excitement of a city and I am such a city-person. Weird thing this life is, I always thought myself to be a country person, the quite hinterlands always charmed me but then looks like I am not made for that sort of life. Coming back to the first sentence, I don't remember what I had imagined after all and what expectations I had. Well, no one told it will be easy after all. So, guess I really can't complain but I do!

I can feel and sort of realize that a major shift in my priorities have happened sometime now. It messes me up to think of it sometimes but then ignoring it wouldn't be a wise thing to do too. Struggling to find that balance. It is hard.

And yes, miss home like crazy. I dreamt of Delhi last night! How I love that city!

I've made a very good friend here from the Netherlands. Always with a patient ear and a warm heart. Thank God for her and then I of course, have good "Indian friends" too and Oh! yes they are so important to keep sane.

But there is something amiss. I guess there always is and especially with me, I don't really understand why this feeling is so frequent. Happiness looks tough sometimes.

I am learning so much about myself and about others in my life at this point. It is a crazy realization of a million important things all at once! I fear it will kill me someday soon though!

I know I am being discreet about many things here and I wish I could just write down every single word that comes to my mind the first time but then not being instinctive is a part of my learning here.

Introspection happening BIG TIME. Crying happening BIG TIME. Realization (of a million things all together!) happening BIG TIME. Nostalgia happening BIG TIME. Hope happening BIG TIME.

Life is....
(I don't know anything anymore about it. Trying to figure out.)

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