Is it just me?

So, is it just me or do people of my age, at similar stage experience this discomforting, unsettling sense of life passing by.

Currently, to me, my life resembles a time table, where every activity, even including the ones like spend time with family, read, listen to music, is given a fixed start and end. I am struggling to move beyond the routine. There are times when I really want to sit up late and watch a movie but the thought of morning office, travel etc scares me to sleep. And then there have been times, when I am sitting with a friend in a coffee shop  wishing for time to pause so I can at least enjoy the coffee, the friend, the environment, my life (!!) without having to worry how to manage x-y-z.

Just the other day, I was thinking all this aloud with my younger brother and I worded this feeling very accurately. "I fear that this daily routine is overshadowing or will overshadow the higher purpose of my life"

Is there a higher purpose even? If there is one, is it accomplished by doing the regular stuff or does it require special attention? Gautam Buddha, after all, did give up on his worldly life.

Yes, I believe there exists a higher purpose of life. But do I need to know this higher purpose of  life for its pursuit or will it unfold itself in the course of my life?

I fear, really badly fear, getting stuck in the rut. Getting used to this routine. Ironically, at present, I am literally slogging my ass off to create this routine. It hits me real hard sometimes. This life and its purpose question.

Am I creating the life I want or I am deviating from it? I do have a vision for my life but I cannot compromise on everyday happiness, fulfillment for it. Is this higher purpose of life sacrificial in nature?

As a kid, I knew exactly what I wanted and why. I was rigid and stubborn. I remember this one time after my 10th board exams, I had given an aptitude test which advised me against taking up journalism. My parents echoed the test results. They were concerned. And I was furious. Then my argument was 'how can some 100 questions determine my life course.' I took up journalism, studied it for 5 years and then changed my field, once I stepped in to the professional phase.

Now, I am thoroughly confused.

So, what is it really? Is life actually about casting oneself into this sleep-work-eat-work-sleep loop or is it purely following your heart? Many may say that it is about balancing the both. I ask to them- aren't you confused then?

When I ask these questions to people around me, majority of them excuse themselves saying "you think too much. Dont think so much."

How can I not think? Now is thinking a voluntary action? I just think and sometimes, I don't even realize I am. Sometimes I speak things/ ideas which I think I have vaguely thought about but when I say them aloud, they flow out it such precision that then I start to think how and when did i come to think of it so clearly.

This thinking stuff makes for another blogpost entirely.

Back to my thoughts on life...I need to clearly figure them I guess. I need to better organize these random ideas & beliefs about it I just threw up in this post.

But how does one stop thinking about these things? Isn't it plain natural? Should one not think of all this if it comes to him?

Care what you share?

At the outset of this post, let me agree with some of you who believe that I am having a sort of a 'content' hangover. I am. And so, this one is a follow up on the previous post and once again, attempts to decode the 'content significance' mystery.

We all share updates and links on our various social profiles. While some may employ this for genuine dissemination of interesting information or even better, to spread knowledge, there are others who use this merely as a tool to scream out their likes and dislikes. Now, I don't have a problem with the latter but if online personality perceptions are based on the content shared then I think we need to rethink. 

On my twitter timeline, i realize that there are two sorts of content propagators: 1) who tweet their own content & 2) who provide links to content not produced by them. Both are fair and totally justified actions. 

However, when I see a person tweeting excessively, say about 20 tweets per day, I often wonder if he even known whats written in there? Correct me if I am wrong but my imagination fails me when I think of so much information assimilation for an individual. 

And I certainly have a problem if a person is sharing content without going through it himself. Why? Simply because online medium believes 'content is king' and thus, I form my opinions and beliefs on the nature & kind of content being shared. And if content is being shared unthoughtfully, I am being cheated. 

Maybe I am being cynical about the whole content sharing business but I believe that somehow we have taken 'content is king' mantra for granted for the online medium and are overlooking other important elements which actually govern online behaviour. 

For one, I am really wary of desperate, wannabe influencers, who may use the apparently impressive, 20-links per day strategy or even bloggers, who blog not for the sake of content/information but in order to create clout and followers. I know of people, who keep daily track of their increase in followers and write anything, just anything, to keep those followers entertained and hooked. I wonder if the latter will ever realize, in such cases, that they are being consumed than the content. 

I believe that a real influencer thinks and knows. He can explain and debate. He is an observer and an analyzer. Simply put, he may send out just one blog per week or even tweet a day but the content in that one post will be information rich and fact furnished.

And I question this way because I do not share anything online without completely assimilating the piece. Do you do the same? Do you care what you share?

 

mine?

suspended into nothingness
with a reign of uniformity
without a hint of reality
loosley floating

tangled happiness
knotted dreams
which string do i pull?
which one belongs to me?


ps: will be transporting my poems from the old blog and the post script will contain the original date of writing. This one - May 2, 2007