Just 'something'

I am pretty blank these days. Often find myself just sitting and staring at a particular, mostly insignificant, thing  acting like a point of convergence of all my energies and thoughts. Mind is buzzing with 'something'.

There are no questions really. Just a sense of 'something'. I don't know.

I guess it is the travel anxiety. Must be. What other convincing justification than the worries and fears of travelling to a foreign land? But I think there is something more too. I don't know. Maybe not.

One thing I've definitely realized -- I get angry looking at those large, black bags lying in my room with a million things around to be packed in it. Most of it I have but somehow and from somewhere, they just keep adding on! I am so irritated with it and the mess it creates! Either I go soon or not at all -- either of the two needs to happen and soon.

Another thing I find myself doing while just sitting is making a list of things I will miss. Morning coffee with mom. Evening news with dad. Sunday breakfasts with family. Lying on 'my bed' and reading a book. Sitting at the window and talking on the phone. Looking outside to a familiar scenery. Football with brother... And I must stop now! This so much of time on hand is making me miserable. I know I will miss all this and so much more but this constant feeling of I-am-going-to-miss makes me angry. I cannot even not do it because it is almost involuntary.

Baah..and I have started ranting again! I guess I am just preparing myself to be homesick! O homesick!

So then coming back to the point, I don't think I am blank. In fact I resemble a canvas of unharmonious colours running a riot. That didn't make sense, did it? I should probably just stop. 

Its here!

Excited. Restless. Homesick (already!). Tensed. Anxious. Happy.

It is the final countdown to the 'new beginning' now. Have been waiting for it since long and it feels good to be walking the path I have dreamt about for the past 1.5 years. Feels good to have achieved but then it is only the beginning. Gotta keep walking!

Cheers to all the new in store! 

*butterflies in the stomach*

Friend list, old style and new

I keep my old notebooks. At least the interesting ones with doodles almost on every page and scribbled thoughts on the last pages.

Going through some of them, I was reminded of this one habit I had as a child - of listing down the names of my closest friends. I remember it doing every year, sometimes sitting in the classroom, sometimes at home late at night. Sometimes even more than once a year. Helped me stay clear with who means what and why (although the why was usually unwritten). 

It was funny going through it. Refreshed so many names, ignited so many memories. Still in touch with most of them but a few important ones (at least then) lost somewhere. Strangely, given the me that I am, I feel no regrets. Eerily comforting. 

Tempted to try this listing exercise tonight too. However, might do it on the notepad on my phone. Friend list, new style!