So, is it just me or do people of my age, at similar stage experience this discomforting, unsettling sense of life passing by.
Currently, to me, my life resembles a time table, where every activity, even including the ones like spend time with family, read, listen to music, is given a fixed start and end. I am struggling to move beyond the routine. There are times when I really want to sit up late and watch a movie but the thought of morning office, travel etc scares me to sleep. And then there have been times, when I am sitting with a friend in a coffee shop wishing for time to pause so I can at least enjoy the coffee, the friend, the environment, my life (!!) without having to worry how to manage x-y-z.
Just the other day, I was thinking all this aloud with my younger brother and I worded this feeling very accurately. "I fear that this daily routine is overshadowing or will overshadow the higher purpose of my life"
Is there a higher purpose even? If there is one, is it accomplished by doing the regular stuff or does it require special attention? Gautam Buddha, after all, did give up on his worldly life.
Yes, I believe there exists a higher purpose of life. But do I need to know this higher purpose of life for its pursuit or will it unfold itself in the course of my life?
I fear, really badly fear, getting stuck in the rut. Getting used to this routine. Ironically, at present, I am literally slogging my ass off to create this routine. It hits me real hard sometimes. This life and its purpose question.
Am I creating the life I want or I am deviating from it? I do have a vision for my life but I cannot compromise on everyday happiness, fulfillment for it. Is this higher purpose of life sacrificial in nature?
As a kid, I knew exactly what I wanted and why. I was rigid and stubborn. I remember this one time after my 10th board exams, I had given an aptitude test which advised me against taking up journalism. My parents echoed the test results. They were concerned. And I was furious. Then my argument was 'how can some 100 questions determine my life course.' I took up journalism, studied it for 5 years and then changed my field, once I stepped in to the professional phase.
Now, I am thoroughly confused.
So, what is it really? Is life actually about casting oneself into this sleep-work-eat-work-sleep loop or is it purely following your heart? Many may say that it is about balancing the both. I ask to them- aren't you confused then?
When I ask these questions to people around me, majority of them excuse themselves saying "you think too much. Dont think so much."
How can I not think? Now is thinking a voluntary action? I just think and sometimes, I don't even realize I am. Sometimes I speak things/ ideas which I think I have vaguely thought about but when I say them aloud, they flow out it such precision that then I start to think how and when did i come to think of it so clearly.
This thinking stuff makes for another blogpost entirely.
Back to my thoughts on life...I need to clearly figure them I guess. I need to better organize these random ideas & beliefs about it I just threw up in this post.
But how does one stop thinking about these things? Isn't it plain natural? Should one not think of all this if it comes to him?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Care what you share?
At the outset of this post, let me agree with some of you who believe that I am having a sort of a 'content' hangover. I am. And so, this one is a follow up on the previous post and once again, attempts to decode the 'content significance' mystery.
We all share updates and links on our various social profiles. While some may employ this for genuine dissemination of interesting information or even better, to spread knowledge, there are others who use this merely as a tool to scream out their likes and dislikes. Now, I don't have a problem with the latter but if online personality perceptions are based on the content shared then I think we need to rethink.
On my twitter timeline, i realize that there are two sorts of content propagators: 1) who tweet their own content & 2) who provide links to content not produced by them. Both are fair and totally justified actions.
However, when I see a person tweeting excessively, say about 20 tweets per day, I often wonder if he even known whats written in there? Correct me if I am wrong but my imagination fails me when I think of so much information assimilation for an individual.
And I certainly have a problem if a person is sharing content without going through it himself. Why? Simply because online medium believes 'content is king' and thus, I form my opinions and beliefs on the nature & kind of content being shared. And if content is being shared unthoughtfully, I am being cheated.
Maybe I am being cynical about the whole content sharing business but I believe that somehow we have taken 'content is king' mantra for granted for the online medium and are overlooking other important elements which actually govern online behaviour.
For one, I am really wary of desperate, wannabe influencers, who may use the apparently impressive, 20-links per day strategy or even bloggers, who blog not for the sake of content/information but in order to create clout and followers. I know of people, who keep daily track of their increase in followers and write anything, just anything, to keep those followers entertained and hooked. I wonder if the latter will ever realize, in such cases, that they are being consumed than the content.
I believe that a real influencer thinks and knows. He can explain and debate. He is an observer and an analyzer. Simply put, he may send out just one blog per week or even tweet a day but the content in that one post will be information rich and fact furnished.
And I question this way because I do not share anything online without completely assimilating the piece. Do you do the same? Do you care what you share?
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
mine?
suspended into nothingness
with a reign of uniformity
without a hint of reality
loosley floating
tangled happiness
knotted dreams
which string do i pull?
which one belongs to me?
ps: will be transporting my poems from the old blog and the post script will contain the original date of writing. This one - May 2, 2007
with a reign of uniformity
without a hint of reality
loosley floating
tangled happiness
knotted dreams
which string do i pull?
which one belongs to me?
ps: will be transporting my poems from the old blog and the post script will contain the original date of writing. This one - May 2, 2007
Friday, August 20, 2010
Now I'll tell what is the problem with this world
Ok! i'll tell you what is the problem with this world! It is contained in the people of this world and ....(gear up! for the revelation......)
..is the lack of EMPATHY in them.
One episode, of the hundreds i come across daily, will perfectly tell you why and how. It really freaked me out!
Time : 7.00 pm 'ish
Place: in a local BEST bus, Mumbai
Scene: The bus was crowded, actually over crowded as usual and people clambered in, groping here and there and gripping almost anything for support. I found a relatively convenient spot to stand and with my bag, a wet umbrella and a plastic bag, stretched and held the bar above for balance.
Once settled, i looked around and noticed that there were almost 12 seats reserved for ladies. Now, i knew there were this sort of reservation for woman but 12 seats!!! ....(pause) ...ok, taken, 12 seats and on the other side, i saw 4 seats reserved for senior citizens and 4 for handicapped (or was it 2?)
anyways, soon an old grandpa sort uncle came and stood beside me. That poor man was short and could hardly reach the bar above. He was trying hard to stand still. I looked at him and turned away in a typical life-is-like-that conclusion but then immediately i turned to the seats for the senior citizens.
while 2 seats were occupied by an old couple, the other two had an apparently educated, young girls sitting and they were friends. I know this coz they were constantly chattering. The short, old uncle was standing right in front of them. So, they cannot give an excuse that they did not see him.
I waited for a while to see if they rightfully give him his seat but they did not. Furious, i asked uncle where he would get down. He told me, " nahi nahi..yaha nahi...door hai"(No..no..not here...its far). I told him to ask one of the girls to get up coz the seat was reserved for him. I was loud and we were close enough to the girls and they had stopped their giggling and were looking at us with a blank face. I looked at them and so did the uncle. They both looked away.
I told him that there are so many seats for women, its ok if he asks them to get up. Again, he turned to the girls and now they were pretending to be oblivious. The uncle turned to me, smiled and said, "rehne do...ladki log hai, kaha khade honge bheed mein" (let it be. they are young girls. it will be difficult for them to stand in a crowded bus).
I looked at the girls once again and I know they were listening to our conversation but they did not respond. I was angry, like really angry. I wanted to scream at them for their disrespect not only to the old man but also to civic rules.
I kept staring at them and they returned a few back but this did not fetch any action. they continued sitting, i continued standing, getting infuriated and staring at them in the hope that at least one of them would get up and the old uncle, well, he continued with his struggle to keep balance.
Even writing this is making me want to slap those irresponsible, immature creatures. I am the last person to lend any adjectives, especially negative ones, to people. but i feel these girls crossed the limits within no time.
I do not expect anyone, including these girls, to offer seats to the elderly if it is unreserved (now, whether there should be any this sort of reservation at all or not, we'll talk later) seat, it is entirely up to an individual. But in this case, the old uncle rightfully deserved his seat.
However, he did not get one because the girls wrongly did not give it to him. What is the with people expecting good and fair behaviour from others but conveniently ruling out themselves from it? Havent they heard and be taught that treat others as you would like them to treat you. Really! How difficult is to understand that?
And mind you, I have seen these similar sort of young girls, who feel no qualms in asking an old man to get up from a seat reserved for woman! Imagine!!
This is just one of the several cases which happen everyday. Trains, buses, traffic laws and just a glance around the city and my simple conclusion everytime is - lack of civic sense, which stems from lack of empathy.
If you like a clean city, don't throw that chips packet anywhere but in a dustbin. But instead what each one does is, complain and expect others to not do it.
when will they start?
when all start!
and
when will all start?
when one starts!
and i don't throw chips packets, or anything for that matter, in the open. So, i can rightfully criticize.
I am sick and tired of an indifferent city. All the Mumbai spirit we talk about is rather easy to ooze out when a terrorist is at the doorstep or other calamities coming knocking. But what happens on a day-to-day basis? what spirit does the city hold then?
Dont give me the regular Not-everyone-is-like-that-shit again 'coz the majority is like this.
Hope someday it improves. If you wonder do i do my bit? Yes! i do and it is not very difficult. Just some common sense is all one needs.
Dont do it for the society but do it for yourself.The efforts will be self sustaining.
'Coz someday when everyone is doing it for themselves, they all will be collectively doing it for the society.
Contextualize this to villages, towns, cities and even nations at large and just imagine, how much better the world will be.
Phhhewww.....someday...
Sigh
..is the lack of EMPATHY in them.
One episode, of the hundreds i come across daily, will perfectly tell you why and how. It really freaked me out!
Time : 7.00 pm 'ish
Place: in a local BEST bus, Mumbai
Scene: The bus was crowded, actually over crowded as usual and people clambered in, groping here and there and gripping almost anything for support. I found a relatively convenient spot to stand and with my bag, a wet umbrella and a plastic bag, stretched and held the bar above for balance.
Once settled, i looked around and noticed that there were almost 12 seats reserved for ladies. Now, i knew there were this sort of reservation for woman but 12 seats!!! ....(pause) ...ok, taken, 12 seats and on the other side, i saw 4 seats reserved for senior citizens and 4 for handicapped (or was it 2?)
anyways, soon an old grandpa sort uncle came and stood beside me. That poor man was short and could hardly reach the bar above. He was trying hard to stand still. I looked at him and turned away in a typical life-is-like-that conclusion but then immediately i turned to the seats for the senior citizens.
while 2 seats were occupied by an old couple, the other two had an apparently educated, young girls sitting and they were friends. I know this coz they were constantly chattering. The short, old uncle was standing right in front of them. So, they cannot give an excuse that they did not see him.
I waited for a while to see if they rightfully give him his seat but they did not. Furious, i asked uncle where he would get down. He told me, " nahi nahi..yaha nahi...door hai"(No..no..not here...its far). I told him to ask one of the girls to get up coz the seat was reserved for him. I was loud and we were close enough to the girls and they had stopped their giggling and were looking at us with a blank face. I looked at them and so did the uncle. They both looked away.
I told him that there are so many seats for women, its ok if he asks them to get up. Again, he turned to the girls and now they were pretending to be oblivious. The uncle turned to me, smiled and said, "rehne do...ladki log hai, kaha khade honge bheed mein" (let it be. they are young girls. it will be difficult for them to stand in a crowded bus).
I looked at the girls once again and I know they were listening to our conversation but they did not respond. I was angry, like really angry. I wanted to scream at them for their disrespect not only to the old man but also to civic rules.
I kept staring at them and they returned a few back but this did not fetch any action. they continued sitting, i continued standing, getting infuriated and staring at them in the hope that at least one of them would get up and the old uncle, well, he continued with his struggle to keep balance.
Even writing this is making me want to slap those irresponsible, immature creatures. I am the last person to lend any adjectives, especially negative ones, to people. but i feel these girls crossed the limits within no time.
I do not expect anyone, including these girls, to offer seats to the elderly if it is unreserved (now, whether there should be any this sort of reservation at all or not, we'll talk later) seat, it is entirely up to an individual. But in this case, the old uncle rightfully deserved his seat.
However, he did not get one because the girls wrongly did not give it to him. What is the with people expecting good and fair behaviour from others but conveniently ruling out themselves from it? Havent they heard and be taught that treat others as you would like them to treat you. Really! How difficult is to understand that?
And mind you, I have seen these similar sort of young girls, who feel no qualms in asking an old man to get up from a seat reserved for woman! Imagine!!
This is just one of the several cases which happen everyday. Trains, buses, traffic laws and just a glance around the city and my simple conclusion everytime is - lack of civic sense, which stems from lack of empathy.
If you like a clean city, don't throw that chips packet anywhere but in a dustbin. But instead what each one does is, complain and expect others to not do it.
when will they start?
when all start!
and
when will all start?
when one starts!
and i don't throw chips packets, or anything for that matter, in the open. So, i can rightfully criticize.
I am sick and tired of an indifferent city. All the Mumbai spirit we talk about is rather easy to ooze out when a terrorist is at the doorstep or other calamities coming knocking. But what happens on a day-to-day basis? what spirit does the city hold then?
Dont give me the regular Not-everyone-is-like-that-shit again 'coz the majority is like this.
Hope someday it improves. If you wonder do i do my bit? Yes! i do and it is not very difficult. Just some common sense is all one needs.
Dont do it for the society but do it for yourself.The efforts will be self sustaining.
'Coz someday when everyone is doing it for themselves, they all will be collectively doing it for the society.
Contextualize this to villages, towns, cities and even nations at large and just imagine, how much better the world will be.
Phhhewww.....someday...
Sigh
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I changed the boat in the middle of the sea
Its high time I write about what i do workwise or rather what i want to do. I am currently working in a PR agency in Mumbai.
Now, for people who know me but are not updated of my latest career shift, this might come as a bit of a surprise. For, my friends and classmates always saw a fiery, passionate journalist in me. Not their fault. After all, in my bachelors and masters course, i did specialize in journalism and left no stone unturned to give them that impression.
In my college classrooms, particularly in my graduate school, I always had very serious questions bearing significance to the society at large. And i was truly concerned. I wanted to change the world. My blood boiled each time i witnessed violation of law in public space, abuse of power and disregard for the people of my country. There were other professions like IAS, politics, law which i could have adopted to pursue my change-the-world mission but i chose journalism. My reason was i loved writing. Journalism, for me, was a marriage between my two passions.
So, i studied the subject and heard and observed and pitched and interviewed and wrote and got published. In 5 years, i have finished 6 internships in print media industry. And then i was suddenly off it.
However, fresh out of post grad college, I still took up a job (coz I did not know what i wanted to do if not journalism and so i thought of at least starting work and figuring out what i wanted to do) as a trainee corresponent in one of the most prestigious news magazine in India. I was there exactly for three weeks and then i resigned. Why? Because although the profile was exactly what i was looking for, the work environment was pathetic. Now, when i look back at it, I cannot imagine myself then. crying, cribbing, cursing, complaining. I could not feel the blood in my veins. Could not feel my heart beat and my mind think. And i am not exaggerating any of this.
One fine morning i went up to the boss and blurted all of the above. She was willing to change, to make accomodations for my comfort but something in me strongly rejected the proposition. I just did not want to stay any longer. So, without a job in hand, I walked out.And man!!! did i feel good or what! What a sense of liberation! of ownership of myself! what revelry! and what happiness!
I gave a shit about the huge brand i was walking over, of whatever people said and i was happy. Here i must mention, that these 3 weeks were the toughest not only for me but also for my family and closest friends.
I was at home now, back to job hunting and this required me to be on the internet 24x7. And then social media came! Wouldnt be wrong it say that it was love at first encounter for me! I loved the idea of social media marketing. The fact that it had the power to allow me, as a brand, to talk to my real customers excited me. I sensed a huge potential and started my research. Ketan, my friend in US studying marketing and currently interning with a social media firm helped me further by recommending websites like mashable, tech crunch etc. He educated me on the social media scene in US and its inevitable growth in India.
I reached out to my PR and advertising friends from Symbi requesting them to share their resources-ppts, books etc as digital marketing was a module for them. I would like be honest here and confess that i did regret for a brief time that i did not come across this before. I would have opted for PR or advertising but its better late than never. I decided only to focus ahead from hereon.
I read extensively on SM (social media), absorbed information and began activities on my twitter, facebook and blog. Currently, I am working with Ketan on our own something on SM! I cant wait to get started on it!
rewind to 2 months back, I was finding it very difficult to find an SM profile for me - with no experience, no internships, no academic backing on the subject but only words to convey my passion and love for the field. It was not enough. While some needed an MBA degree, some needed work experience. It was not working out for me.
So, i went ahead with the PR profile offer i had and started work once again. I was careful this time to study my boss (at the interview), feel the vibe of the place and have a look at my team I was satisfied and here began my journey on the other side of journalism-in a Public Relations agency. And i am enjoying!
Luckily, the current job gives me substantial time each day to update myself on SM happening and networking for it. I am reading more about it and 'lurking' on SNS to observe and learn how business is done here. And yes, my next destinaton most definitely is an SM job.
Does it feel weird then when i meet or talk to my journo friends? Initially it did. I could have been a journo being pursued by a PR person but here i was the PR convincing journalists. It felt weird and to an extent unfair but then it grew on me. I came to terms with the change, with my new career plans, with my goals and my life.
I am happy and I am proud of myself for being there for me, when i needed the most. I am glad i stood up for my passion and belief.
Changing the boat in the middle of the sea was sure risky but, i tell you, totally worth it! i'm loving it and how! :)
Now, for people who know me but are not updated of my latest career shift, this might come as a bit of a surprise. For, my friends and classmates always saw a fiery, passionate journalist in me. Not their fault. After all, in my bachelors and masters course, i did specialize in journalism and left no stone unturned to give them that impression.
In my college classrooms, particularly in my graduate school, I always had very serious questions bearing significance to the society at large. And i was truly concerned. I wanted to change the world. My blood boiled each time i witnessed violation of law in public space, abuse of power and disregard for the people of my country. There were other professions like IAS, politics, law which i could have adopted to pursue my change-the-world mission but i chose journalism. My reason was i loved writing. Journalism, for me, was a marriage between my two passions.
So, i studied the subject and heard and observed and pitched and interviewed and wrote and got published. In 5 years, i have finished 6 internships in print media industry. And then i was suddenly off it.
However, fresh out of post grad college, I still took up a job (coz I did not know what i wanted to do if not journalism and so i thought of at least starting work and figuring out what i wanted to do) as a trainee corresponent in one of the most prestigious news magazine in India. I was there exactly for three weeks and then i resigned. Why? Because although the profile was exactly what i was looking for, the work environment was pathetic. Now, when i look back at it, I cannot imagine myself then. crying, cribbing, cursing, complaining. I could not feel the blood in my veins. Could not feel my heart beat and my mind think. And i am not exaggerating any of this.
One fine morning i went up to the boss and blurted all of the above. She was willing to change, to make accomodations for my comfort but something in me strongly rejected the proposition. I just did not want to stay any longer. So, without a job in hand, I walked out.And man!!! did i feel good or what! What a sense of liberation! of ownership of myself! what revelry! and what happiness!
I gave a shit about the huge brand i was walking over, of whatever people said and i was happy. Here i must mention, that these 3 weeks were the toughest not only for me but also for my family and closest friends.
I was at home now, back to job hunting and this required me to be on the internet 24x7. And then social media came! Wouldnt be wrong it say that it was love at first encounter for me! I loved the idea of social media marketing. The fact that it had the power to allow me, as a brand, to talk to my real customers excited me. I sensed a huge potential and started my research. Ketan, my friend in US studying marketing and currently interning with a social media firm helped me further by recommending websites like mashable, tech crunch etc. He educated me on the social media scene in US and its inevitable growth in India.
I reached out to my PR and advertising friends from Symbi requesting them to share their resources-ppts, books etc as digital marketing was a module for them. I would like be honest here and confess that i did regret for a brief time that i did not come across this before. I would have opted for PR or advertising but its better late than never. I decided only to focus ahead from hereon.
I read extensively on SM (social media), absorbed information and began activities on my twitter, facebook and blog. Currently, I am working with Ketan on our own something on SM! I cant wait to get started on it!
rewind to 2 months back, I was finding it very difficult to find an SM profile for me - with no experience, no internships, no academic backing on the subject but only words to convey my passion and love for the field. It was not enough. While some needed an MBA degree, some needed work experience. It was not working out for me.
So, i went ahead with the PR profile offer i had and started work once again. I was careful this time to study my boss (at the interview), feel the vibe of the place and have a look at my team I was satisfied and here began my journey on the other side of journalism-in a Public Relations agency. And i am enjoying!
Luckily, the current job gives me substantial time each day to update myself on SM happening and networking for it. I am reading more about it and 'lurking' on SNS to observe and learn how business is done here. And yes, my next destinaton most definitely is an SM job.
Does it feel weird then when i meet or talk to my journo friends? Initially it did. I could have been a journo being pursued by a PR person but here i was the PR convincing journalists. It felt weird and to an extent unfair but then it grew on me. I came to terms with the change, with my new career plans, with my goals and my life.
I am happy and I am proud of myself for being there for me, when i needed the most. I am glad i stood up for my passion and belief.
Changing the boat in the middle of the sea was sure risky but, i tell you, totally worth it! i'm loving it and how! :)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
The First Step
So this one is about being courageous and confident and taking that FIRST STEP which can break any wall or even ice!
My last week, actually last month has been all about this.
~ finally credited Zainab for inspiring me to write more. (I was skeptical about writing on this 'coz i thought that may constitute to me giving importance to her and after college we havent been in good touch. But she is a darling and i couldn't kept myself from this)
~i wrote about her too, which i had been postponing again due to the above reason but i did it anyway in the previous post and she realized it was her out of nowhere. I had not even thought what would i do, say if she reads but then it all fell into place and for all the good reasons (or so i suppose!)
~started tweeting. earlier i found the idea of tweets extremely useless and rather annoying. for one thing, i never knew what to 'tweet'. i did not want to post annoying tweets like i found few of my friends do. But one fine day in office, i just let go of all inhibitions and went on to explore! and i am enjoying and how! its extremely resourceful and flooded with amazing, interesting people from whom u can learn so much if u will.
~i have stopped reacting to nonsense and in fact, learned to ignore it all together. I used to be so affected by people but now, i guess, its draining off from me. hope i continue like this FOREVER
.
~i went ahead and told my friend ketan, who is in the US, that i miss him and had a superbly heart warming conversation. earlier, i used to hold back myself coz i always assumed he has moved on (friendship wise! ) or 'drifted apart' as he once put and i did not want to look stupid sharing my nostalgia and feelings with him. (BUT what is so wrong in looking stupid. there is a difference between 'looking' stupid and 'acting' stupid. Looking stupid is more subjective i guess. new blog topic!)
~I have started commenting on blogs and news articles. Again, the reason for not doing it in the past was this constantly poking-torturous feeling of being imperfect and being judged mediocre (and how bad can that really be!? i so overact to things!). I began sending out my opinions and ideas to the world just last week and i feel good and in a strange way, liberated.
~My travel from home to work and back takes a total of 3 hours i.e. 1.5 hours one way. Since, while on my way back, i easily get a seat in the train, I have started sharing it with other travelers who stand. Say, after after about 45-50 mins of sitting, i give my away my seat. Earlier, i avoided doing this coz no one ever offered me their seat. i used to clamber and balance, jerk and stretch but none of the sitting members bothered. But then I decided to go with my heart and trust me, its one of the most effective ways to make someone happy. I hope the goodness spreads!
~I talk to my father about a lot of everyday stuff. Before i never bothered to let him know about my life. If he asked, he got the answers but i never volunteered. Then, i read 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and something in me changed for good. Now, even if he does not ask me, i tell me coz i want him to know and i want to know him more.
So, these are the different areas where i had been contemplating taking the first step but i never did coz i did not want to look stupid. I never wanted to show that i care, that i feel, that i have a heart coz i did not want to feel/be vulnerable.
I am not a person who does not express, who believes that there are some unsaid things in the world. I believe in the power of expression and like i have said before, in the power of love.
This way of living also let you know who, among your people, are genuinely concerned, truly care and absolutely love. speaking from experience here!
Moral of the story: About whatever it is, you are contemplating making the first move. Just do it. It will help you become a better person. Most definitely.
My last week, actually last month has been all about this.
~ finally credited Zainab for inspiring me to write more. (I was skeptical about writing on this 'coz i thought that may constitute to me giving importance to her and after college we havent been in good touch. But she is a darling and i couldn't kept myself from this)
~i wrote about her too, which i had been postponing again due to the above reason but i did it anyway in the previous post and she realized it was her out of nowhere. I had not even thought what would i do, say if she reads but then it all fell into place and for all the good reasons (or so i suppose!)
~started tweeting. earlier i found the idea of tweets extremely useless and rather annoying. for one thing, i never knew what to 'tweet'. i did not want to post annoying tweets like i found few of my friends do. But one fine day in office, i just let go of all inhibitions and went on to explore! and i am enjoying and how! its extremely resourceful and flooded with amazing, interesting people from whom u can learn so much if u will.
~i have stopped reacting to nonsense and in fact, learned to ignore it all together. I used to be so affected by people but now, i guess, its draining off from me. hope i continue like this FOREVER
.
~i went ahead and told my friend ketan, who is in the US, that i miss him and had a superbly heart warming conversation. earlier, i used to hold back myself coz i always assumed he has moved on (friendship wise! ) or 'drifted apart' as he once put and i did not want to look stupid sharing my nostalgia and feelings with him. (BUT what is so wrong in looking stupid. there is a difference between 'looking' stupid and 'acting' stupid. Looking stupid is more subjective i guess. new blog topic!)
~I have started commenting on blogs and news articles. Again, the reason for not doing it in the past was this constantly poking-torturous feeling of being imperfect and being judged mediocre (and how bad can that really be!? i so overact to things!). I began sending out my opinions and ideas to the world just last week and i feel good and in a strange way, liberated.
~My travel from home to work and back takes a total of 3 hours i.e. 1.5 hours one way. Since, while on my way back, i easily get a seat in the train, I have started sharing it with other travelers who stand. Say, after after about 45-50 mins of sitting, i give my away my seat. Earlier, i avoided doing this coz no one ever offered me their seat. i used to clamber and balance, jerk and stretch but none of the sitting members bothered. But then I decided to go with my heart and trust me, its one of the most effective ways to make someone happy. I hope the goodness spreads!
~I talk to my father about a lot of everyday stuff. Before i never bothered to let him know about my life. If he asked, he got the answers but i never volunteered. Then, i read 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and something in me changed for good. Now, even if he does not ask me, i tell me coz i want him to know and i want to know him more.
So, these are the different areas where i had been contemplating taking the first step but i never did coz i did not want to look stupid. I never wanted to show that i care, that i feel, that i have a heart coz i did not want to feel/be vulnerable.
I am not a person who does not express, who believes that there are some unsaid things in the world. I believe in the power of expression and like i have said before, in the power of love.
This way of living also let you know who, among your people, are genuinely concerned, truly care and absolutely love. speaking from experience here!
Moral of the story: About whatever it is, you are contemplating making the first move. Just do it. It will help you become a better person. Most definitely.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
My new white shoes and more.....
Last Saturday, i bought myself white ballet shoes and since then, I'm dressing in a way appropriate to include it in my 'look' (for the lack of word right now). So, today I'm in green and beige stripes skirt, black top and WHITE SHOES! now, you may think the colours are incompatible with each other but strangely, they fit fine! the bright white on my feet is making me happier than the pizza i had last night! and FYI a pizza really really makes me happy!
Then there is the cacophony of thoughts in my mind and i cannot comprehend any of them. Marketing-gym-blank-blank-love-gym-clothes-books-blank.....This was a small example i pulled out from there for you. So there is a lot, i am aware, and i have decided to let it settle down before i start my analysis.
Barring the mind, the routine life is happy and easy. At work, stuff is simple and well, rare. As in, i rarely do the work i am being paid for. No! its not me! its just that there is only so much work! I am satisfied with it, however. I am learning at a slow pace which allows things to sink in deep (or so i think!) and i also get substantial time each day to explore what i am going to step into in sometime from now (how precise!).
I read up a lot on social media these days and there is so much out there about it. More on this later. Right now, I am more interested in just unfolding myself with this post.
While going through a friends blog, stumbled upon a blog which belongs to someone from my post grad college. I had limited interaction with her while we were arrested on our isolated hill top campus. Had been to her room just 2-3 times and i instantly took a liking to her then. i vividly remember this collage of her friends pictures she had up her wall. Her side of the room spoke a language i could not understand but relate to. She was 'my type' and i always gave her my warmest smiles.
But i never went beyond that, never initiated a talk or sat with her over breakfast/lunch/dinner. I concluded it would be rather weird, for her and me, if i did all this and expressed my inclination to her. So, i held myself back and gradually, she dissolved into 'others'. Only, today, this blog resurfaced the inexplicable familiarity.
The two years i spent there taught me a lot, to say the least. I do not wish to explain myself here. It was life changing. In both, good and bad ways. Period.
Digressing, I cleaned and sorted my cupboard over the weekend. I just cannot discard old clothes and books. It was tough and i still retained a few merely for memories sake. But now there in enough space for new things to come in. Metaphorically, a lesson in philosophy. Taken.
It is raining heavily these days and as i have said before on this blog, i love the sound of it. Yesterday, was drenched from head to toe and i walked to my house from station to enjoy the showers a little longer.
Then there is the cacophony of thoughts in my mind and i cannot comprehend any of them. Marketing-gym-blank-blank-love-gym-clothes-books-blank.....This was a small example i pulled out from there for you. So there is a lot, i am aware, and i have decided to let it settle down before i start my analysis.
Barring the mind, the routine life is happy and easy. At work, stuff is simple and well, rare. As in, i rarely do the work i am being paid for. No! its not me! its just that there is only so much work! I am satisfied with it, however. I am learning at a slow pace which allows things to sink in deep (or so i think!) and i also get substantial time each day to explore what i am going to step into in sometime from now (how precise!).
I read up a lot on social media these days and there is so much out there about it. More on this later. Right now, I am more interested in just unfolding myself with this post.
While going through a friends blog, stumbled upon a blog which belongs to someone from my post grad college. I had limited interaction with her while we were arrested on our isolated hill top campus. Had been to her room just 2-3 times and i instantly took a liking to her then. i vividly remember this collage of her friends pictures she had up her wall. Her side of the room spoke a language i could not understand but relate to. She was 'my type' and i always gave her my warmest smiles.
But i never went beyond that, never initiated a talk or sat with her over breakfast/lunch/dinner. I concluded it would be rather weird, for her and me, if i did all this and expressed my inclination to her. So, i held myself back and gradually, she dissolved into 'others'. Only, today, this blog resurfaced the inexplicable familiarity.
The two years i spent there taught me a lot, to say the least. I do not wish to explain myself here. It was life changing. In both, good and bad ways. Period.
Digressing, I cleaned and sorted my cupboard over the weekend. I just cannot discard old clothes and books. It was tough and i still retained a few merely for memories sake. But now there in enough space for new things to come in. Metaphorically, a lesson in philosophy. Taken.
It is raining heavily these days and as i have said before on this blog, i love the sound of it. Yesterday, was drenched from head to toe and i walked to my house from station to enjoy the showers a little longer.
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