Is it just me?

So, is it just me or do people of my age, at similar stage experience this discomforting, unsettling sense of life passing by.

Currently, to me, my life resembles a time table, where every activity, even including the ones like spend time with family, read, listen to music, is given a fixed start and end. I am struggling to move beyond the routine. There are times when I really want to sit up late and watch a movie but the thought of morning office, travel etc scares me to sleep. And then there have been times, when I am sitting with a friend in a coffee shop  wishing for time to pause so I can at least enjoy the coffee, the friend, the environment, my life (!!) without having to worry how to manage x-y-z.

Just the other day, I was thinking all this aloud with my younger brother and I worded this feeling very accurately. "I fear that this daily routine is overshadowing or will overshadow the higher purpose of my life"

Is there a higher purpose even? If there is one, is it accomplished by doing the regular stuff or does it require special attention? Gautam Buddha, after all, did give up on his worldly life.

Yes, I believe there exists a higher purpose of life. But do I need to know this higher purpose of  life for its pursuit or will it unfold itself in the course of my life?

I fear, really badly fear, getting stuck in the rut. Getting used to this routine. Ironically, at present, I am literally slogging my ass off to create this routine. It hits me real hard sometimes. This life and its purpose question.

Am I creating the life I want or I am deviating from it? I do have a vision for my life but I cannot compromise on everyday happiness, fulfillment for it. Is this higher purpose of life sacrificial in nature?

As a kid, I knew exactly what I wanted and why. I was rigid and stubborn. I remember this one time after my 10th board exams, I had given an aptitude test which advised me against taking up journalism. My parents echoed the test results. They were concerned. And I was furious. Then my argument was 'how can some 100 questions determine my life course.' I took up journalism, studied it for 5 years and then changed my field, once I stepped in to the professional phase.

Now, I am thoroughly confused.

So, what is it really? Is life actually about casting oneself into this sleep-work-eat-work-sleep loop or is it purely following your heart? Many may say that it is about balancing the both. I ask to them- aren't you confused then?

When I ask these questions to people around me, majority of them excuse themselves saying "you think too much. Dont think so much."

How can I not think? Now is thinking a voluntary action? I just think and sometimes, I don't even realize I am. Sometimes I speak things/ ideas which I think I have vaguely thought about but when I say them aloud, they flow out it such precision that then I start to think how and when did i come to think of it so clearly.

This thinking stuff makes for another blogpost entirely.

Back to my thoughts on life...I need to clearly figure them I guess. I need to better organize these random ideas & beliefs about it I just threw up in this post.

But how does one stop thinking about these things? Isn't it plain natural? Should one not think of all this if it comes to him?