I am pretty blank these days. Often find myself just sitting and staring at a particular, mostly insignificant, thing acting like a point of convergence of all my energies and thoughts. Mind is buzzing with 'something'.
There are no questions really. Just a sense of 'something'. I don't know.
I guess it is the travel anxiety. Must be. What other convincing justification than the worries and fears of travelling to a foreign land? But I think there is something more too. I don't know. Maybe not.
One thing I've definitely realized -- I get angry looking at those large, black bags lying in my room with a million things around to be packed in it. Most of it I have but somehow and from somewhere, they just keep adding on! I am so irritated with it and the mess it creates! Either I go soon or not at all -- either of the two needs to happen and soon.
Another thing I find myself doing while just sitting is making a list of things I will miss. Morning coffee with mom. Evening news with dad. Sunday breakfasts with family. Lying on 'my bed' and reading a book. Sitting at the window and talking on the phone. Looking outside to a familiar scenery. Football with brother... And I must stop now! This so much of time on hand is making me miserable. I know I will miss all this and so much more but this constant feeling of I-am-going-to-miss makes me angry. I cannot even not do it because it is almost involuntary.
Baah..and I have started ranting again! I guess I am just preparing myself to be homesick! O homesick!
So then coming back to the point, I don't think I am blank. In fact I resemble a canvas of unharmonious colours running a riot. That didn't make sense, did it? I should probably just stop.
There are no questions really. Just a sense of 'something'. I don't know.
I guess it is the travel anxiety. Must be. What other convincing justification than the worries and fears of travelling to a foreign land? But I think there is something more too. I don't know. Maybe not.
One thing I've definitely realized -- I get angry looking at those large, black bags lying in my room with a million things around to be packed in it. Most of it I have but somehow and from somewhere, they just keep adding on! I am so irritated with it and the mess it creates! Either I go soon or not at all -- either of the two needs to happen and soon.
Another thing I find myself doing while just sitting is making a list of things I will miss. Morning coffee with mom. Evening news with dad. Sunday breakfasts with family. Lying on 'my bed' and reading a book. Sitting at the window and talking on the phone. Looking outside to a familiar scenery. Football with brother... And I must stop now! This so much of time on hand is making me miserable. I know I will miss all this and so much more but this constant feeling of I-am-going-to-miss makes me angry. I cannot even not do it because it is almost involuntary.
Baah..and I have started ranting again! I guess I am just preparing myself to be homesick! O homesick!
So then coming back to the point, I don't think I am blank. In fact I resemble a canvas of unharmonious colours running a riot. That didn't make sense, did it? I should probably just stop.
4 comments:
Where are you headed?
US. For my masters :)
Oh how nice! Congratulations! :)
:) :) thank you!!
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