in love with love!

i am an hopeless romantic and have this eerie ability to find romance in the most mundane and routine stuff (this line is straight out of the book i wrote for my sweetheart!). i fall into the category of people who believe that love has the power to change just about anything and is the most essential to human survival. i will not blame you if you now imagine a starry-eyed me with a pink dress and twinkling eyes, holding a rose in my hand and gazing smilingly at a man! just minus the pink dress and the red rose please and the remaining is almost on target 'me'!

i am obsessed with the idea of having that one person to share my fears and dreams with, who would stand witness to my failures and achievements and efforts and hardwork, who would embrace me no matter what just because there is some inexplicable, divine bond he shares with me. someone with whom i could talk about my favourite book and characters and give my version of the plot and people and he would listen and respond! someone whose hand i could comfortably hold while being engrossed in a movie ( i hate watching movies alone!).

someone with whom i can silently walk the beach and just know that my presence to me and his to me is as calming as the virgin beach and fishes in the sea.

and there are so many more images i have created and dreams i have weaved over the years, ignoring all break-up lessons and heartaches. love is the most powerful - i have been guarding this belief somewhere in my complicated brain and fighting the world's pessimism and conventions on the myth called love. i stand by the power of love!

however, there are times when i wish i hadn't nurtured such thoughts and like my close friend anje says, "..let it (love) remain a part of life and not heart of life" but then this wish does not last for more than a few hours and i am back to being the hopeless romantic. but i when i am in that i-wish-i-did-not-love-love , i boldly accuse all the mush i have grown up with - movies, books, tv series, songs etc and even now, in a perfectly sane mind, firmly opine that they have had a massive influence on my idea of love and life. but having said all this, i am happy that i am like this - a girl who would do anything for love and whether good or bad, is totally in love with love!

i must mention here one of the ways i calculate love (not necessarily the spouse love but love in general). given the stubborn person i am, if i sense a conflict or pick up a fight with someone, i completely throw the person out of my life. there is no trace of him/her thereafter to the degree that i wouldn't bother if something happens to him/her (yeah, i am insensitive or maybe even cruel at times). but if i have ever loved a person for even a minute in my life, i will try with all i can to have him/her with me till the end. that is love. it makes me want to go back to that soul in spite of whatever - WHATEVER.

and i know i have mentioned before that i hate cliches, this is perhaps one of the biggest cliche of my being. life, i say!