Inspire : Influence

I fall into the category of easily influenced people and interestingly, what influences me inspires me (i am not sure if  this is the way for everyone but i know a few people for whom it is not). I've had several discussions on merits and demerits of this habit and yet, i am not sure whether it is a good or a bad thing and i do not really want to know any more because i am quiet enjoying dwelling on this ambiguity. One good thing is I find inspiration very easily if i am seeking one at all.

Like for this blog, my inspiration was a classmate of mine from my grad college. Zainab . I absolutely love her style of writing. Actually, I am not sure if there is one that she adheres to and this is perhaps the best part! I love her posts, her topics, her choice of words and usage, her thoughts and her ideas and how with such great ease she unfolds the layers of complex, entangled emotions. Her writing is very honest and humble and refreshing unlike a lot of others around. What i like about her blog is that it is all about her expressions and is not trying in any way to impress (somehow, i find that need to impress and get 'so many' followers with a lot of bloggers)e. I simply love reading her!

With me it is people who do this to me the most. I know it can adversely impact if it is not checked and kept within the limits but then i really cannot set a limit to this. How can i set a limit to my source of inspiration? i would like to get the maximum out of it? but having said this, i also realize that being inspired by someone from your own species and by, say nature for example, is very different. In the former, you run a risk of losing yourself in the quest to become like him/her. Got to be careful.

And so, even if in the English vocabulary, 'influence' and 'inspire' may not be interchangeable (or they maybe. i am not sure), in my life, i am sure they are. Interesting, isn't it, how we construct our own personal vocab!

An observation, a silly one perhaps that both 'inspire' and 'influence' begin from 'i' and in the end, somewhere i guess this is what is important! i !

the storm before the silence and the hard work before the fun

nowadays, life feels like a day before a big race, only that each day feels like this. the anxiety and waiting, the fear of failure and want for triumphant, the desperation to race ahead of everyone and the desperation for the feel of the victory smile.

i am not suggesting there is anything amiss in my life at the moment but there is this strange sort of a wait for something to happen and i cannot clearly understand what! i am living each day waiting for the next but not being unhappy or dissatisfied.

there is a longing for something but cannot point it out. it feels like the storm before the silence and the hard work before the fun.

my reading habits

I like books which explore human relationships. something which has some drama infused in a subtle way. a tale which attempts to uncover the human behaviour, something which rides me through the labyrinths of human emotions. a book that describes the most routine roles (like wife, father etc), conventionally designed, but wrapped with complex layers of desires and dreams, morals and duties, struggles and victories.

generally, such books end rather abruptly with you never knowing what happened later in his/her life. these stories usually take one major life event/incident as the plot with multiple side plots, which are never closed in the book. for example, a woman with a perfect family of a husband and three children, suddenly finds herself as a co-chair at a gala event. hereafter, this god-fearing, pious, sensitive soul starts off an extra marital affair followed by another brief period of longing for her ex-boyfriend. however, by the end of the book, this event is successful and her life is sorted.

now, what I would like to know is what happened when she encountered these two extra marital partners later in life? were there nights when she sat up and cried? did she ever contemplate telling her husband the truth or even suicide? how did she patch up with her best friend with whom she had fought? how did her kids grow up to be? did she have another affair?

i know it is impossible to contain the answers to all these or rather a lifetime in a fiction book but then these are the remnants after the story has evaporated. I, for one, can relate to such characters instantly and so i actually think of how his/her life would have progressed had it been a true story. moreover, the characters and the events in their lives are so routine and everyday (unlike something say a sci-fic novel) that it could be the story of your neighbour or even say your best friend. who knows!

yeah, maybe you'll say that perhaps i should read a biography or an autobiography as it contains the entire life of an individual. i say it lacks the much needed drama and emotional twist. somehow, it does not move me.

and for the kind of books i like, the stories are made up of the usual life stuff - childhood, parents, best friends, siblings, romance, marriage, kids, ex-s, job, emotions, dreams, achievements, failures, but then i enjoy these. so while the basic ingredients remain the same, each story is a different concoction. each of these stir me differently and ooze out different emotions. however, all of them, help me realize myself a little more, discover those sub conscience thoughts, unveil the consequences of my current actions in the future or present me with a clearer window to see the how and why of my past decisions. yes, and that means i think a lot!! even unnecessarily!

Some of the recent books i have enjoyed:

1) Connections - Sheila O'Flanagan

2) A Summer Affair - Elin Hilderbrand

3) Eat, Pray, Love - Elizabeth Gilbert

4) Committed - Elizabeth Gilbert

5) P S I Love You - Cecelia Ahern

6) Pride & Prejudice - Jane Austen

7) Wish You Were Here - Cecelia Ahern

8) Letters to Sam - Gottlieb

this is me! :) the drama queen, as jen puts it! ;)

in love with love!

i am an hopeless romantic and have this eerie ability to find romance in the most mundane and routine stuff (this line is straight out of the book i wrote for my sweetheart!). i fall into the category of people who believe that love has the power to change just about anything and is the most essential to human survival. i will not blame you if you now imagine a starry-eyed me with a pink dress and twinkling eyes, holding a rose in my hand and gazing smilingly at a man! just minus the pink dress and the red rose please and the remaining is almost on target 'me'!

i am obsessed with the idea of having that one person to share my fears and dreams with, who would stand witness to my failures and achievements and efforts and hardwork, who would embrace me no matter what just because there is some inexplicable, divine bond he shares with me. someone with whom i could talk about my favourite book and characters and give my version of the plot and people and he would listen and respond! someone whose hand i could comfortably hold while being engrossed in a movie ( i hate watching movies alone!).

someone with whom i can silently walk the beach and just know that my presence to me and his to me is as calming as the virgin beach and fishes in the sea.

and there are so many more images i have created and dreams i have weaved over the years, ignoring all break-up lessons and heartaches. love is the most powerful - i have been guarding this belief somewhere in my complicated brain and fighting the world's pessimism and conventions on the myth called love. i stand by the power of love!

however, there are times when i wish i hadn't nurtured such thoughts and like my close friend anje says, "..let it (love) remain a part of life and not heart of life" but then this wish does not last for more than a few hours and i am back to being the hopeless romantic. but i when i am in that i-wish-i-did-not-love-love , i boldly accuse all the mush i have grown up with - movies, books, tv series, songs etc and even now, in a perfectly sane mind, firmly opine that they have had a massive influence on my idea of love and life. but having said all this, i am happy that i am like this - a girl who would do anything for love and whether good or bad, is totally in love with love!

i must mention here one of the ways i calculate love (not necessarily the spouse love but love in general). given the stubborn person i am, if i sense a conflict or pick up a fight with someone, i completely throw the person out of my life. there is no trace of him/her thereafter to the degree that i wouldn't bother if something happens to him/her (yeah, i am insensitive or maybe even cruel at times). but if i have ever loved a person for even a minute in my life, i will try with all i can to have him/her with me till the end. that is love. it makes me want to go back to that soul in spite of whatever - WHATEVER.

and i know i have mentioned before that i hate cliches, this is perhaps one of the biggest cliche of my being. life, i say!

Most expensive hair cut!

Today, i got my most expensive haircut! i paid an exorbitant Rs 1103 for a cut at Loreal and trust me, it is worth every rupee! it is gorgeous and makes me look good and feels awesome!

I am super cautious about my hair and since my college, have always trusted them only to big brands. Yes, you get it right! i do believe that more a salon charges me, more good their styling will be and this has been true till date! Before this, my most expensive hair cut was for Rs 1000 at Dilshad's but i wasn't so happy with it.

:) a new hair cut makes me feel light(literally) and very happy because my hair is child-like and bouncy. it is like a well-mannered but mischievous kid, whose playfulness is apparent but does not get unruly (thanks to all the blow-drying!). My hair looks exactly like out of those high-end fashion magazines, carefully lifted off from one of those perfect models!

Oh! and another good thing happened! i got a job!

yiiipppiiieeee!!!!

but i am yet to confirm with them. may do it tomorrow. actually, the problem is just three days back, something more lucrative has come up but then its process has not even started and may take sometime. i dont think waiting for it and letting this opportunity in hand just waste is wise. came to this conclusion after an entire day of thinking.

So, mostly will be taking it up! i am so happy! :D..my prayers were answered! :D and i got my birthday gift! :D

My June!

I love the month of June. I like the sound of the word June, I love the weather with which it adorns the earth, I love the many new beginnings it presents me with - new academic year, new weather, new uniforms and books, new subjects to learn, new opportunities, new friends, new chance to grow(my birthday falls on the 12th of this beautiful month!). And it is half way mark through a year!

More than the smell of the wet earth, i love the pitter-patter sound of the rains. It is rejuvenating and pumps me up with a lot of positivity. Whenever i can, i sit by the window in house with my feet extended outwards, tickling with the touch of small, innocent raindrops and although, i hate living cliches but a cup of coffee in this setting makes it Utopia. I love the dark clouds and the thundering lights and they make each room so cosy and comfortable. sometimes, my dad puts on classic old songs or even instrumentals and i enjoy them very differently during rains.

Rains always give me a strong sense of hope and life. It makes me want to extend myself to the world and offer it something new like June does. I have this one funny habit since my childhood. One of the many things i wish for my birthday every year is that it rains. its part of my 'showers of blessings'! and celebrating my birthday in my house with my people over good food and lots of cake and talks and with rains outside-thats it! that is my perfect birthday!

It rained substantially today and the weather is happy and light and cool. The sky was blush pink and the green leaves and flowers danced freely like celebrating the onset of the monsoon this year. I was tempted to go for a walk in the rain but the view from my window kept me hooked throughout the showers and i switched to retro on some music channel. :) and then after sometime i made tea and then i made the dinner! my mum hopes it rains good this season, you know why!

and so i have this sense of ownership over June and she never lets me down! I love her!

welcome again, anje!

I am not the types to confront anyone no matter how simple or complicated or significant or insignificant the issue. Like i mentioned before, there are very few people close to me but then they KNOW me and know everything about me and all of them are well aware that i cannot confront.

This has proven to be bad for me because i have lost and distanced myself from some really precious people but only for a brief period. I, later, always make sure i have my people at any cost and saying 'sorry' and patching up is not a big price any ways. Yeah, definitely, if i can solve the misunderstanding (it is usually a misunderstanding and not even a serious issue!) in the first place then i don't even have to bear their absence but that is proving to be bit difficult at the moment. I am working on it.

And today was the reconciliation day with one of my darling friend, Anjelina. We have been friends since childhood and would walk to school everyday. She has been by my side during my teen years and patiently heard the details of my every crush and the 'this-is-it!-this-is-the-guy-for-me' affairs! Then, we used to have walks in our colony and played these silly but cute games about who got the maximum looks from the dudes! Ok, i know it is funny but we were hot-blooded teenagers! ;)

She is the most easily adorable person and has a wacky, absolutely crazy sense of humour. With her around, I bet you cannot be not laughing for more than a minute! and in spite of such intense love and admiration for her, we were apart for a year due to a silly misunderstanding.

It was easy getting back though. All it took was one phone call and we were back to our usual selves. I just love her and love her love for life and her courage and her style! she is the sort of girl who inspires me and makes me happy about life! :)

was just thinking how simple it is, sometimes, to get back to some people. for the past five months i was contemplating talking to her but was reluctant because i was unsure of her reaction. feared that things may get worse but the impulsive individual that i am, i just called her today. actually, i had to call her today and i am happy i did!

got a friend back! :) had been missing her for a long time now!

cheers to us, anje! love you heaps! xoxoxox